“Children praised for intelligence chose the easy task next. Children praised for effort chose the hard one. The same praise, two different words, two different trajectories.”Claudia Mueller și Carol Dweck · Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation and Performance · 1998 · Mueller, Dweck, «Journal of Personality and Social Psychology», vol. 75, nr. 1, 1998 — redare a rezultatului central al experimentelor, necolaționată pe articol
Praise what they did, not what they are, and never with a 'but' after it.
The four rules, with their traps. One, immediate: reinforcement arriving the next day links nothing to anything; it is said at the moment the behaviour happens. Two, descriptive rather than evaluative: "you went back to the problem three times and changed method" says what to repeat; "you are clever" says nothing repeatable. Three, on what they control: effort, strategy, persistence, choice — never intelligence, talent or looks. Mueller and Dweck's experiment shows why: praised for a trait, the child protects the trait and avoids the hard task where it could be lost. Four, a ratio of at least five to one between what you notice going well and what you correct — not out of politeness, but because attention is the resource that reinforces, and if the only way to get it is a mistake, that is how it will be got. The reward trap, called overjustification: if you pay a child for something they did for pleasure — reading, drawing — the pleasure drops and the price remains; rewards are for starting an unpleasant habit, then made unpredictable, then withdrawn. What works without money: your attention, telling the story of what they did in front of another family member, time they choose, extra responsibility. And one rule of silence: never spoil praise with "but".
Why it matters Because most parents use positive reinforcement exactly backwards — rare, general praise for traits plus money for grades — and get a child who avoids hard things so as not to lose the label they were given.