“Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.”Dhammapada · Dhammapada · -300 · 5
Hate never dies on its own: as long as you feed it with hate in return, it keeps going; only refusing to answer in kind breaks it.
The verse describes the mechanics of escalation: every hostile act confirms to the other that hostility is justified, and the conflict perpetuates itself, sometimes across generations. The only intervention that adds no fuel is refusing to answer in kind. When someone lashes out and receives calm or indifference to the quarrel instead, they have nothing left to work with. The law is eternal because it works the same way in families, workplaces, and nations.
The hard part is not understanding the rule but applying it when you are already in the middle of a quarrel. There, a gentle answer feels like defeat. You feel you are giving up your right to be right. But look at what actually happens: if a colleague throws a stinging remark and you return the same coin, they get confirmation that attacking you was justified. If instead you stay calm or say something quiet, they are left with a remark hanging in the air, no partner to it. The quarrel loses its reason to exist. This does not mean letting abuse continue; it means refusing to feed the spiral. A simple move: at the next argument, answer with one calm sentence, then stop there. The next step is to watch what the other person does when the fuel runs out.
Why it matters It applies to anyone stuck in a long feud, with a relative or a colleague, unable to see a way out.