“In the misfortune of our best friends we always find something which does not displease us.”François de La Rochefoucauld · Maxime · 1665 · Maxima 99
The suffering of those close to us can trigger a hidden satisfaction in us, as it confirms our own security.
La Rochefoucauld reveals an uncomfortable facet of human nature: the secret satisfaction we feel when those close to us have problems. It is not conscious malice, but an unconscious relief that the misfortune did not happen to us, or a confirmation of our own relative superiority. For example, when a friend fails an exam, we may feel a mix of compassion and a vague comfort that we succeeded.
Why it matters It helps us recognize and manage the ambivalent emotions in close relationships, without feeling guilty for what is human.