Author
Laurence Steinberg
1 reading card from 1 book · 2014.
1 card
Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence · 2014
Autonomy not practised at eleven is seized by force at fifteen.
What changes: the reward system matures a few years ahead of the braking system. It is not a character flaw, it is a timing gap, and it is why a good child suddenly does risky things, above all in a group. What you can do from eleven, concretely. One, the first phone comes with a written, signed contract carrying three rules: the phone sleeps in the kitchen, the parent has the passcode, any request for money or pictures is shown before it is answered. Two, no social networks until at least thirteen, and when they come the account is private and you are on the list. Three, give them one real decision a week with a real, small consequence — Sunday's menu, what time homework happens, how pocket money is spent. Autonomy not practised at eleven is seized by force at fifteen. Four, know their friends by name and open the house: it is cheaper to feed five teenagers than not to know where yours is. Five, one activity with adults who are not their parents — a coach, a craftsman, a band, volunteering. Six, the conversation about alcohol, cigarettes and vaping starts now, short and factual, not at fifteen when it is already a negotiation. What you do not do: you do not read the diary, you do not break into private conversations without cause, and you do not make marks the main subject of every dinner.
“Adolescence is not a period to be survived, it is a second window of plasticity. The brain is again unusually sensitive to environment — and that cuts both ways.”